Losing Control

I must have missed something in the playbook of life that said when I became single or divorced that some of my children get to tell me what to do.  I don’t think so!  No one pays my bills but ME.  Nobody makes sure that I have food in my frig or clothes on my back but me, so please let me be polite when I say “BACK OFF”!

I’m sure my child thinks they need to look after me for some reason but that reason eludes me.  OK here is the situation.  I have been divorced for 1 year and 2 months.  I worked at our local government for 7 years.  In June of this year a good friend of mine that is in the same boat as me, divorced, decided we are not getting any younger so we took a vacation.  When I returned to work, the very day I returned to work I was called into my boss’ office and given a letter stating that my position was being dissolved.  I tried to hold it together and not lose my dignity but I did cry a little and at one point I remember asking Oh My God how am I going to make my mortgage payments? I do not want to lose my house.

For your information after the divorce I moved into an apartment and it was awful.  Maybe it is because of my age or because I have never lived in an apartment, who knows.  But, I decided in May of 2015 that I would buy my first home.  So I did, and I thought life couldn’t get any better.  I had a great paying job, a beautiful home; I got to make all my own decisions and so on.  When I lost my job the first thing I did was call my middle daughter.  She and I talk about everything and most of the time we were talking at least once a day.  After we hung up drove home and cried for a short time then realized everything I was doing was wrong.

But to get back to initial reason of my post regarding children thinking they have the right to tell us what to do.  The daughter that lives in the same town as me calls and checks on me regularly and I try to do the same for her.  Recently, I decided that I wanted a companion; a dog.  I started looking at rescues for older dogs because last year I got a puppy and I was not ready for all that outside time so I found him a good home and moved on.  Now I feel I am truly ready for this new addition to my life but I would prefer a grown dog that needs love and a home and is already house broken.  I looked for weeks.  During this time I was reading this wonderful book, “The Christ Within” by Pamela Kribbe.  I love that book mainly because it helps a person find their inner light.  It encourages you to live the life you were meant to live with great joy, happiness, love and abundance.  I meditate every day to help myself stay centered and ensure I am living from my heart and not my head.  My heart was telling me that I did not want a grown dog because not knowing me I could end up bitten and that scares me.  So I found a litter of pups and my friend went with me to look at them.  I chose one of the pups to be mine.  It is not ready to come home with me for about five weeks but in the meantime it has felt very right and the name Bella is what I am giving her.

So my daughter and I go garage sailing yesterday and see a few dog things and purchase them only to have her get upset when she finds that I am getting another puppy.  She actually did not speak to me for a short time and then totally ignored the subject and wanted no part when I tried to share pictures with her.  Let me be very clear.  At no time have I asked anyone to tell me what to do.  I have discussed the situation with my children and told them how I feel about it.  They gave me their opinions on what they would do if in my situation but NEVER and I mean NEVER does anyone have the right to tell me what to do and get upset if I do not comply.  This is my life and I will live it the way I want.  If there comes a time when I need help paying my bills or putting food on my table then I may have to rethink this but not now.  Since I still do not have a job and money seems to be the issue it is only fair to say that it is my money and I will spend it as I choose to be happy every day of my life.

So if anyone knows where in the play book of life it says that I am supposed to allow my children to start making all my decisions for me, please let me know.  I do want you all to know that I truly know my daughter is only trying to help out of her love for me but the way it was done and the anger that she put forth said I did not comply with her wishes and she was upset about it. That should not have happened.  Children should realize that we are not stupid just because we are older or divorced.  We still need their love and support just as they will need ours as long as we are on this earth.  I love my daughter so much and hope that this will smooth over and we can discuss this so it does not happen again.

Going forward please treat your parents like a friend, listen to their ups and downs, given them your love and support as you do all your friends.  Never get upset when someone does not take your advice because that is all it is; your opinion and everyone is different as God created them.  Everyone should solicit all the information they can when making a life changing decision so they can make an informed decision.  Please be thankful they love you enough to ask your opinion and strong enough to make their own decision.

Never judge, love unconditionally and live from the heart!

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