Finding your inner light

I have been thinking about this for a long time and finally I am.  I had been unhappy in my marriage for years and after telling my spouse and nothing happening, I decided I had to do something a little more tragic.  First we went to counseling again to discuss why I was unhappy and what we needed to do to fix our marriage.  I want to tell you that he was happy, going to work, coming home to play with his hobbies(no I was not one of his hobbies) and drinking.  He had a good life.  I on the other hand was so unhappy and lonely it was unbearable.  Anyway, after counseling did not work I decided to move out so we could work on our marriage.

Moving out was not easy.  I had never lived alone in my life.  I went from my mother’s house to my husband’s.  The quiet was terrifying.  The first few days I was busy unpacking and being excited about decorating my new apartment the way I wanted.  I moved into my new apartment on a Friday and stayed up very late finding everything.  Early the next morning my youngest daughter called me to see how I was and what I had planned for the day.  I laughed and said unpacking was my plan for a while.  Suddenly there was a knock on my door; at 7 in the morning!  I am a short person so I could not see out the peep whole in the door.  So I opened it caustiously and did not see anyone but just as I started to close the door my daughter, the one on the other end of the phone stepped around the corner and asked “Didn’t I tell you not to open the door until you knew who it was”?  I grabbed her and probably squeezed the breath right out of her.  I was so happy to see her.  She said that she was going to be there all day to help me get the kitchen and my bedroom unpacked and then my oldest daughter was coming the next day to get the guest room other things I needed done.

I felt so loved to know my baby girl had driven from Myrtle Beach to come help me!  I was so excited to see her and have her help me.  The day went all too fast and the next morning she was gone but my oldest that lives in the same town as me came and we finished up most of the unpacking. My oldest girl has three daughters of her own so taking time to help me was a great show of love to me I was so appreciative of both their help.

Now it set in; I am alone!  Oh My God! What am I going to do?  Who is going to want me at my age and 50 lbs overweight?  I cried and cried and then cried some more; affraid that we were not going to be able to work things out.  I knew that I could not stay with him the way things were and he was not willing to change so we were at stalemate.  I filed for a legal separation hoping it would give us time to work things out but within 6 months he ordered me to come home or he was filing for divorce.  I called his bluff and here we are, DIVORCED!

The old saying today is the first day of the rest of your life never had such meaning as it did right now.


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